


one single thread of gold (tied me to you)

by ForForever19



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emails, F/F, High School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForForever19/pseuds/ForForever19
Summary: 'Quinn Fabray' - The name isn't as much of a shock as it probably should be, because Rachel Berry has come to accept the world hates her.
Relationships: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Comments: 65
Kudos: 733





	1. I

**Disclaimer** : I, by no means, claim to own anything remotely related to the Glee Universe. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

**Part I**

* * *

_Quinn Fabray_

The name isn't as much of a shock as it probably should be, because Rachel Berry has come to accept the world hates her, but her eyes do still widen in something like surprise.

And dread.

If she takes the time to see it for what it is, then she'll have to admit this isn't the strangest pairing she could have thought up. She and Quinn have had an interesting time together, not quite friends, but not quite enemies either.

Soulmates, though, seems a little extreme, but this is what the Universe has chosen for them, and Rachel is surprised by just how calm she is that the person who's supposed to love and cherish her forever happens to be her tormentor.

What a life.

But, it's there, Quinn's name, as clear as day, on the inside of her wrist, emerging on the morning of her sixteenth birthday and causing havoc in her blissful and boring life. She's been preparing for this day since she was old enough to understand what it means to have a soulmate. Not everyone ends up with their own, which is a sad reality of life, and is why it's so important to cherish this gift the Universe has bestowed on them.

Still, Rachel hesitates, because... could the Universe have made some kind of mistake? It has to have happened before, right? It can't be right. Because she's sure Quinn actually hates her, and that can't be the basis for a happy soulmate bond, can it?

It just makes her wonder, though, that if she's having reservations about this pairing, then it remains to be seen that Quinn would as well. Don't ask how she knows it, but she's already aware Quinn hasn't yet turned sixteen, which means Rachel has a few weeks to figure out just what she's going to do about this life-changing information.

And it _is_ life-altering, because she now knows the identity of her soulmate; knows where to find her, and that should be the be-all and end-all of it all.

Only, it's not, because Quinn is a girl and hates her and Rachel doesn't even know how to begin to explain to Quinn that the Universe has decided they belong together for forever.

How does one even start that conversation?

Does she even want to?

Rachel rolls over onto her back on her bed and groans. What's she supposed to do now? Who is she supposed to be tell about this, anyway? She knows she could talk to her fathers. They, out of everyone she knows, would have the words to explain the pit of emotions that's growing in her chest.

But, she doesn't think she's willing to reveal exactly who her soulmate is. She doesn't need to see their faces to know they'll wear expressions of surprise, some anger, disbelief and sympathy. She doesn't think she'll be able to handle the pity, because they both know exactly who Quinn Fabray is.

Who her family is.

Even if Quinn were interested in pursuing this bond, they have a lot more than their genders to work out.

With another groan, Rachel gets out of bed, stretching her arms in the air and deciding she's going to enjoy her day and try to relegate her soulmate dilemma to the back of her mind.

Which is a sentiment that gets completely derailed when she gets downstairs to a special birthday breakfast and the eager question of, "Who is it?"

Rachel stutters a little, and then says, "A girl."

Her fathers freeze at the admission, which she expected. "Oh," Hiram says after a moment. "That's unexpected." He studies her face closely. "Is it unexpected?"

Rachel can't realistically tell them it is, because she knows herself too well, so she remains silent.

"Do we know this girl?" LeRoy asks, recovering.

Rachel nods slowly. "We're definitely aware of her," she admits. "She's actually in a few of my classes."

"Oh, then, that's great?" LeRoy offers, unable to get a read on her. "Right?"

She shakes her head. "Not really," she tells them, deflating. "We're not exactly friends, and she comes from a... less than accepting background."

"Oh."

Rachel drops into a chair at the kitchen table. "Do you mind if we don't talk about it right now?" she asks. "I kind of just want to enjoy the day without worrying too much about the potential happiness of the rest of my life."

Her fathers exchange a look, but eventually acquiesce and take their own seats. It takes a moment to get back into the birthday spirit, and they've just about managed it when Rachel suddenly speaks.

"I just wish there was some way to talk to her without actually talking to her." It comes out sounding exasperated; as if she's been thinking the same words on a loop in her head.

Hiram's forkful of blueberry pancakes stops halfway to his mouth. "Well, Sweetheart, maybe there is," he says.

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe you won't be able to talk to her as _Rachel_ , but perhaps you could try talking to her as her _soulmate_ ," he offers, and then smiles at her obvious confusion. "You say you know her, correct?"

Rachel nods, trying to follow.

"Which means you could get access to some of her contact information, right?"

She nods again, seemingly catching on. "I could email her anonymously," she says, eyes a little wide. "Try to figure out her stance. Maybe even ease her into the idea of me. Because she might go insane when she turns sixteen and sees my name on her wrist."

"Well, I don't think she'd - "

"She would," Rachel dismisses. "Believe me, she definitely, definitely would."

Hiram presses his lips together. "If you're so sure the fit is... unlikely, then maybe you shouldn't - "

"I have to try, Dad," she says. "I can't just - I won't be able to - what if there's a chance?" She glances at the name on his left wrist, _LeRoy Holt_ written proudly. "What if I get happiness too?"

He sighs. "I just don't want you to hurt yourself to get there."

"Wasn't it worth it for you?" she asks, gaze darting between them both, knowing their story is long and painful.

Hiram's shoulders slump. "It was," he concedes. "But, forgive me for wanting it to be different for my daughter."

She offers them the best smile she can manage. "Who knows?" she says. "It might end up different for me."

Even she doesn't believe her own words, but she still says them. She's not even going to entertain the alternative.

* * *

It takes Rachel a few days to convince herself she's really going to do what she plans to do. It's easy to make a new email address, using a fake name, and it's even easier to get Quinn's email address from their freshman phone tree.

The difficult part is composing the first email, and it takes her three drafts to get something that doesn't sound like rambling and doesn't make her look like a complete dunce.

She wants Quinn to like her. Enough to give her a chance, at least.

And this is the best she can come up with.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 22 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_A few days ago, I woke up to find your name on my wrist. I turned sixteen, and I've now learned that the future of my happiness lies with you. Which, I must admit, is as terrifying as it sounds._

_Not because it's you, but because it's any other human being at all. I had some idea of what it would mean to be someone's soulmate, but the reality is more of an adjustment than I thought it would be. See, the thing is that I know you, and you know me, and I think I'm probably underselling it when I tell you that we don't get along. At all._

_Fortunately for me, that doesn't really reduce the list of possibilities for you, but it is the reason why I thought sending this email was a good idea. I thought, maybe, if we could get to know each other this way, you won't be too blindsided when my name appears on your wrist in a couple weeks' time._

_It might not work, but I think we should try. I've always found you fascinating, and being able to get to know you in any way is something I'd really like, if you're willing. If not, well, February tenth is going to be something of a shock to you, and I'm sorry in advance. I don't know what will happen then; whether you'll give us a chance to be something, but I'm here and I'm willing and I think the Universe wouldn't have chosen us for each other without a reason._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate._

Rachel, admittedly, feels unnerved sending the email, but she doesn't think she'd be able to sit idly by and just let the next few weeks happen without trying to prepare Quinn for something like this. Nothing could come of this entire thing, but she's an optimist by nature.

She believes in the best of the world and its people, and Quinn isn't an exception. They're soulmates, which means something, and Rachel gets the feeling Quinn's curiosity will lead to a response, which is confirmed mere hours later.

It's a little halting seeing Quinn's name pop up in her inbox, and her heart does a little jump, which makes her shake her head in amusement. Already, this whole soulmate thing is affecting her.

Though, even she has to admit she'd probably react the same way to the sight of Quinn's name, regardless of their bond status.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 23 December 2009**

_Dear Supposed Soulmate,_

_You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?_

_Quinn_

Rachel can't stop her laugh.

It surprises her a little, even if Quinn's response doesn't. Thinking it over, she should have expected some disbelief. Maybe this isn't even the first time Quinn has received an email like this. It makes sense that people would claim her in some way, but Rachel is sure of this, and she has to convince her.

With a bit of a lightbulb moment, she reaches for her phone and snaps a picture of a close-up of her wrist. There's something about soulmate marks that can't be duplicated; something about the way the light catches it, highlighting the handwriting that belongs to said soulmate and giving it some kind of ethereal, golden quality.

If Quinn doesn't believe this, then there's really nothing else Rachel will be able to say or do other than showing her in real life or just waiting until Quinn's birthday.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 23 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Please find evidence attached. Believe me, this isn't something I would lie about. I take soulmate matches very seriously._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

It doesn't take long for her to receive a reply, and her heart jolts a little, because, God, Quinn believes her. Which should elate her even further, if Quinn's next words don't make her feel cold all over.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 23 December 2009**

_Dear Supposedly-Confirmed Soulmate,_

_Well, I suppose I can't really argue with that. I get the feeling I should be apologising. I was half convinced I wouldn't end up with a soulmate given who I am, so I'm sorry you're straddled with me._

_Quinn_

Rachel has thought the same things about herself, sure, but she doesn't think it's some horrible fate to be tied to Quinn this way. Sure, Quinn is... difficult, but there are worse people in the world, and Rachel doesn't believe for a second that the person Quinn portrays is her true self.

She just doesn't know how to put that into words Quinn will believe when they barely know each other. This emailing thing is supposed to help with that.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 23 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I don't think it's much of a disservice, Quinn. As much as we've interacted, it's all been very surface level, which is what I'm hoping this email exchange will rectify. Is that something you'd be interested in? I hear we're supposed to be compatible, but that's something I think we should decide for ourselves, if you're willing._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

* * *

Quinn doesn't respond for two days, and Rachel worries about it for a few hours here and there. If Quinn isn't willing, then this entire soulmate experience is going to be worse to get through. It wouldn't even matter that Rachel is a girl. She's Rachel Berry first, and she just knows Quinn is going to lose her mind when Rachel's name appears on her skin.

So, it takes two days to get another reply, which doesn't really help with Rachel's plight, but it does ease some of her worries, though not all. It's probably best that they're on Winter Break, because Rachel can't predict how she would react to seeing Quinn every day, now that she knows what they're supposed to mean to each other.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 25 December 2009**

_Dear Supposedly-Compatible Soulmate,_

_I haven't quite decided if I'm willing. The entire soulmate thing kind of freaks me out a little bit, if I'm honest. Nobody in my family has been lucky enough for it to work out for them, and I don't think I'm going to be the exception._

_I did, however, want to wish you a Merry Christmas, if you celebrate. Or Happy Holidays, if you don't. I don't know. Just, I hope you're having a good holiday season. Someone should._

_Quinn_

The melancholy the email exudes makes Rachel feel responsible for making her feel better about the situation. The urge to make Quinn smile and ease her mind is powerful, and she just about manages to curb it before she says something to scare Quinn away.

Rachel will admit to feeling a little despondent at the pairing at times, but she believes in soulmates. She believes in the beauty the bond can bring to people's lives.

She believes she could be the reason Quinn ends up the exception.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 25 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_This doesn't have to be anything monumental, you know? We could just talk, as friends. You could just tell me about your day, and I could tell you about mine, and we could see how it goes from there._

_Merry Christmas to you, too! I hope you're having a lovely day. Do you have any traditions in your family? I don't actually celebrate the holiday in the religious sense, but there's something so special about the cultural aspect, isn't there? I kind of wish we got some snow, but I'm not complaining. Do you prefer winter or summer?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

Rachel reads her words over, deeming them suitable. She asks just enough questions to keep the conversation going while assuring Quinn anything she's comfortable with will be fine with Rachel.

Which is true.

Rachel is more worried about Quinn in this situation when she hasn't even considered if she could be attracted to the blonde.

It isn't as if this is surprising for Rachel. She's suspected she isn't completely straight for some years now, and the name on her wrist just proves it. The problem, now, is if she can look at Quinn and -

Who is she kidding?

Quinn Fabray is nearly every person's dream. Regardless of what the blonde thinks.

Rachel just doesn't anticipate Quinn thinking the same about her.

* * *

When Rachel's parents ask about the soulmate thing, she doesn't have much to tell them. Quinn isn't much of a replier, and Rachel is determined not to rush or bombard her.

Rachel does notice that her parents glance at her covered wrist far too often to be simply curious. They're worried, she knows, but she has almost six weeks to let Quinn know she's here and she wants this and she's willing, no matter who Quinn is or whom they are to each other.

So, she tells them, "I have it under control," even though they're both acutely aware she doesn't.

It helps and also doesn't when she realises Quinn isn't doing any better.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 28 December 2009**

_Dear Just-Wanna-Be-Friends Soulmate,_

_I've given it some thought, and I think you're just being kind. You mentioned we've interacted before and don't get along, which means it's my fault, right? I'm unpleasant and mean, and you probably hate the Universe for picking me for you. It is monumental, regardless of what you say, because I imagine you had high hopes and expectations for your bond. This must all be so terribly disappointing._

_My day was kind of awful. My father's family is here for a visit, and they're horrible, elitist, racist, bigoted human beings, who are intolerant and extremely vocal about it. I'm expected to fit in, but I don't. Not really._

_We don't have family traditions, no. That would imply we're something of a family. Which I can't say we've ever been, by my own recollection._

_I prefer winter. It matches my cold dead heart._

_Quinn_

_(Ignore me. Please.)_

As if Rachel is ever going to ignore something like that. She does think it's in her best interest not to draw too much attention to the hidden meanings in Quinn's words, just in case Quinn really does clam up and stops replying.

It's as if Quinn is trying to scare her off before anything can happen. As if she's determined to show the dark and twisted sides of her to keep Rachel at bay.

Hah. It's not going to work.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 28 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_(If you really want me to ignore you, then I will. I do, however, get the feeling that's not what you want at all. I think you want someone to talk to, and I can be that person for you, if you'd just let me.)_

_In actual response to your email, I will admit to being worryingly kind in my everyday life, but that's not what this is. We have a complicated history, that's for sure, but you're not entirely to blame. I've had my share of provocative moments, and you definitely can't be at fault for reacting._

_Not disappointed. Worried, yes, and a little nervous about what it all means, but I'm starting to think we're actually perfect for each other. You're winter, and I'm summer. See? Perfect._

_I'm sorry your day was so awful. I have some understanding about difficult family, so I can definitely sympathise there. When do they leave? What are your plans for New Years?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 28 December 2009**

_Dear Supposedly-Not-Disappointed Soulmate,_

_(Fine. Don't ignore me.)_

_Does this mean you're not going to give up? That you're really up for this mess I am? Because, I can assure you I'll make you regret it. It's just who I am. My sister told me I don't know how to be happy the other day, and, as much as I hate to admit it, she's probably right. None of us do._

_Please don't take any ownership for the way I've probably treated you. I'm a bitch of the highest order, and I should apologise, but it feels hollow to do such a thing when I'm not certain what I'm apologising for. Sometimes, I'm not even sorry. Sometimes, things need to be said, and I have to be the one to say them. I'm the easiest to hate, you see, and I don't really care what people think of me, as long as it's not what they USED to think of me._

_I think you're going to have to re-evaluate your definition of perfect._

_Speaking of family, does yours know who I am? If so, I guess I'm sorry if I've made things complicated for you. I know how I'm viewed, and the way my family is viewed, but there's little I can do about that._

_They leave tomorrow, thank God. And I'm probably going to head to Puck's party. It'd be a real scandal if I didn't at least show my face. What about you?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 28 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_(Fight me.)_

_Definitely not giving up. I'm pretty stubborn and persistent, so you're just going to have to figure out a way to get used to me. If it makes you feel better, I think a lot of people don't know how to be happy. It's not just you._

_Regardless, I'd still like to try._

_I think there's more of a story there, but I won't pry. You can tell me whatever you want to tell me. I don't know if you're wary of whatever this is, because I'm sure I would be. Just, I'm trying to convince you I'm worth taking a chance on, and that means nothing you tell me will be told to anyone else. Why is this the mantle you've decided to take?_

_I understand the meaning of perfect just fine, thank you very much._

_I'll be the first to admit I haven't quite revealed who you are to my parents. It's nothing really against you. It's just, well, I know what they'll say, and I don't want to see it in their faces just how hopeless they think the situation will prove to be._

_I think I might be dragged to the party as well. I was kind of looking forward to a night in, actually. Watching the Ball Drop in Times Square and drinking bubbly with my parents. Is that too lame?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 28 December 2009**

_Dear Stubborn and Persistent Soulmate,_

_(You should probably know I have a pretty nasty right hook. I once broke my cousin's nose. I love to bring it up whenever I see him. He's an asshole, so I don't feel too bad about it.)_

_Are you really offering to try to make me happy?_

_There's always a story. More to a person than meets the eye. The problem is my story isn't even that unique. Not even a little interesting. I was just the ugly duckling who suffered under bullies enough to fix herself up and turn into one. There's nothing exciting about it, and it just showcases how useless and pathetic I am. (To be honest, I don't know why I told you all of that, but I think I might have gone crazy and started to trust you.) I'm at the top. The mantle was already here._

_Oh yeah? How would you define perfect?_

_I figured as much. I think I'd run screaming if my name were to appear on my own wrist. We're that hopeless, huh? Why's that? You're not about to tell me you're a Yankees fan, are you?_

_That doesn't sound lame at all. It sounds pretty great, actually. I wish I could stay in and just enjoy the evening without having to put on some kind of act. Even so, maybe I'll see you at the party?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Hi. It's me, your soulmate.  
** **Date: 28 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_(I kind of want to see this right hook now. Just when I thought you couldn't get any cooler.)_

_I am offering to be the one to make you happy. It kind of comes in the predestined job description, but I've applied for the position, and I am totally digging this analogy._

_I think I understand you a little better now. Fear is such a powerful motivator, and yours has been exploited to turn you into someone I don't think even you like. Am I right? Quinn, I don't think it makes you useless and pathetic to want to distance yourself from a person you once were and were ridiculed for. I think, if I were anyone else, I'd also want to change aspects of myself to fit in. It's part of life, unfortunately, and my one wish for you is that some day you are able to look beyond the world's expectations and just be exactly who you're meant to be._

_I would define perfect as you. (I apologise if that's too much, but I really didn't want to regret missing such a golden opportunity.)_

_I have not gone running screaming, if you must know. I did do a double-take, I must confess. It's going to be a complicated conversation revealing who you are, but I'm not ashamed. The more we get to talk like this; the more settled I feel in letting them know this isn't the most hopeless case around. Even if we're meant to be platonic, I think this still counts as something worth figuring out._

_Mets, actually._

_I hope this now goes without saying, but you don't have to put up any kind of act when you're with me. I want to know the real Quinn. Every bit of her._

_Maybe you will._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

As late as Rachel tries to stay up, Quinn doesn't reply again. While Rachel wouldn't say she's making amazing progress; she can accept that the dialogue is pleasing. It's actually kind of wonderful. Quinn is everything she expected and more. Snarky and funny and sarcastic and self-deprecating and a little morbid and dark, but she's also oddly sweet, apologetic and _cute_.

All Rachel knows is that she goes to sleep with a small smile on her face, and wakes up the same way.

* * *

By the time Rachel shows up at Puck's party on New Year's Ever, she and Quinn have exchanged nearly twenty emails. Sometimes, they delve deep into Quinn's psyche, which can be dark at times, though she assures Rachel she's really fine.

_Talking about my morality is kind of an everyday thing. You're going to have to get used to it_.

Other times, Quinn teases her, which is doubly funny because Quinn knows so little about her. Quinn's assumptions about her appearance and general stature make Rachel laugh, because Quinn is way, way off.

Rachel almost tells her a handful of times. It would be so easy to type out, "I'm a girl," in any one of their emails, but she doesn't want to scare her off while she's still making something that looks like progress.

She doesn't really want to be here, but Kurt picked her up himself, promised to remain by her side for all of it, and then promptly bailed on her when he spotted Mercedes. Normally, Rachel wouldn't mind, but this is relatively unfamiliar territory, and they're better when in numbers. She's easy pickings when she's alone.

Still, she steels herself and makes her way to the kitchen to get something to occupy her hands. She's probably not going to be drinking, but she doesn't actually want to look like the lame kid at a high school party drinking orange juice.

Even if she is.

Rachel slips into the kitchen, her eyes taking in the brighter lights with a squint. The kitchen table is littered with various half-empty bottles, and there's a stack of cups toppled over on one of the counters. The kitchen isn't empty, but she goes mercifully unnoticed as she surveys the pickings.

She's in the middle of pouring said orange juice when a voice behind her says, "At least make it look like you're putting in some alcohol," and she freezes.

Because she knows that voice. Heck, that voice is really the only reason she didn't put up much of a fight when Kurt came to fetch her.

Rachel turns around to spy Quinn Fabray standing behind her, mouth settled into a dangerous smirk and eyes shining in the fluorescent light. Rachel gulps at the sight of her, because she almost forgot that Quinn is stunning. Dangerous and imposing and full-on, but so very gorgeous.

"Hi," Rachel says, stupidly.

Quinn cocks an eyebrow. "Berry."

Rachel smiles a little, because Quinn does that now. Call her by just her surname. No longer those horrible nicknames she used to say with her eyes closed; as if she couldn't bear to see herself say the nasty words.

"Fabray," Rachel returns, feeling a little brave.

Quinn's other eyebrow rises at her audacity, but then she lets out a soft chuckle. "Know where the vodka is?" she asks.

Rachel turns back to the alcohol, plucks a bottle off the table, and then proceeds to pour a healthy amount into Quinn's empty cup.

"Jeez," the blonde says; "are you trying to get me drunk?"

Rachel shakes her head.

"Because, the last time I got drunk, I made some really questionable choices."

Rachel is aware. Everyone knows Quinn cheated on Finn with Puck while under the influence, and then tried desperately to hide it from him, even as Finn's attention was shifting to Rachel. Then Glee happened, followed by an ill-fated Finchel kiss, a nasty power couple breakup and a Glee exodus, and here they are some months later; majority of them learning the names of their soulmates in this all-important year.

"Not drunk," Rachel assures her. "Just, making sure you have enough in there to make sure nobody can offer to get you a drink as a segue way to talking to you."

Quinn's expression shifts into a frown. "Why would you care about that?" she asks.

Rachel knows from their emails that it's the one part of parties Quinn despises. Now that she's very single, boys believe she's available, and they use parties like this to try to start inane conversations with her. Which Quinn hates.

Rachel shrugs in response. "Just figured it'd help," she says. "I'd hate to be accosted every time I turn a corner."

Quinn opens her mouth to speak, a certain sharp gleam in her eye, but it snaps shut a moment later. She looks a little stumped at her own display, quietly mutters, "Whatever, Berry," and then disappears from the kitchen as quickly as she appeared.

Rachel knows she shouldn't read too much into it, but she's positively giddy at the idea that Quinn actively stopped her automatic response to insult Rachel at the opening Rachel so easily gave her. She didn't really think about her words as she said them, but she's relieved they ended their interaction on an awkward note, rather than an awful one.

Maybe coming out tonight wasn't such a terrible idea.

Which is a sentiment that dissolves merely fourteen minutes later. Rachel is bored. She people watches for a while, makes surface conversation with a few other Glee members, contemplates dancing by herself, spies Finn making out with some unsuspecting probable-cheerleader, and then decides to go outside. It's freezing, but it's a lot better than the stuffiness of the inside of the house.

She finds a secluded spot and settles on the grass, taking in the stars and the moon with quiet appreciation. It doesn't take her long to reach for her phone, just for something to do, and her heart skips a beat when she sees that Quinn has emailed her.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Supposedly-At-Puck's-Party Soulmate,_

_Are you here?_

_Quinn_

Rachel smiles to herself, even if she feels a flash of panic. Would Quinn try to seek her out? Would she ask to meet?

God, would Rachel be lucky enough to get a New Year's kiss?

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I am here, yes. Not having a good time? Me either._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Apparently-At-Puck's-Party Soulmate,_

_I want to say I wish I were at home, but my parents are throwing some corporate party, and I'd much rather not be paraded around like I'm some trophy._

_Why aren't you having a good time?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_My parents are at a faculty party. They decided to go out when I mentioned my plans, so it's either I stay here or see in the New Year by myself._

_My friend ditched me as soon as we arrived. I kind of expected it, but it stings. He's the one who convinced me to come, and now I look like a complete loner._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Supposedly-Loner Soulmate,_

_If you go home, and I go home; do you think we could see in the New Year together?_

_That's a shitty friend. Hey! I thought I was the one who convinced you to come? Is that who I should be looking out for? Someone sitting by themselves?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Yes. Let's do that. That's a brilliant idea, if I've ever heard one._

_He kind of is, yeah, but I don't have many, so I just deal with it. Well, you were definitely a contributing factor, but now I don't know where you are, so what was the point of coming if I don't get to see you, right?_

_You could look, but I doubt you'd figure out who I am._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Apparently-a-Phantom Soulmate,_

_Okay. I'm going to go home, now. I could probably sneak into my room undetected and hunker down with movies and hot chocolate. Deal?_

_Boys. Ugh._

_If you wanted to know where I was, all you had to do was ask._

_You're that unassuming, huh? I could see you and just not know? I want to say it's unlikely, but I'm terribly self-absorbed, so it's a possibility._

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Deal. I'm going to sneak one last look at you to make sure you're okay, and then I'm going to go home. Hot chocolate sounds like a wonderful idea. You're smart._

_I agree. Boys are ugh._

_Well, then, dear Quinn, where are you?_

_I wouldn't call myself unassuming, nope. I can be very loud when I want to be. Just, in situations such as this, it's a smart idea to remain as invisible as possible. Jocks and alcohol aren't a good combination for people like me. Are you really self-absorbed, or is that just something you say?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

Rachel gets to her feet once she's hit send, lifting her arms above her head to stretch her limbs. Her bottom is a little damp, but not enough to be alarming. She should probably text Kurt to tell him she's going to head home.

Though, now that she thinks about it; she's not even sure how she's supposed to get home.

She could walk, but that just seems like opening the door for some kind of incident. She should call for a cab. Yip. That sounds like a better idea.

She's just turned around, ready to slip around the house, when Quinn emerges from some dark unknown of the backyard, her phone in her hand and a small smile on her face.

Rachel freezes at the sight of her, and Quinn's steps stutter as well, before her expression grows dark, red blooming on her cheeks.

"What are you looking at?" Quinn snaps, recovering.

Rachel steps back. "Nothing," she says. Then, because she might have a death wish, she asks, "Are you okay?"

Quinn seems to hesitate, as if she's considering her words. "I'm fine," she finally says. "Just, uh, needed a breather."

"Understandable."

Quinn nods slowly. "What are you doing out here?"

"Needed a breather, too," Rachel tells her. "But, I'm headed home now, anyway. I think coming out tonight was a bad idea."

Quinn regards her closely, and then says, "I could have told you that."

"Where have you been all my life?"

Quinn tilts her head to the side, almost like a puppy, and Rachel's fingers twitch with the desire to take a picture of her. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a little weird, Berry?" Quinn says.

"Countless people."

Quinn laughs softly, and then shakes her head. "Get home safely," she says, quiet and reserved. "See you at school." And then she's on her way, slipping past Rachel without another word.

Rachel watches her go until she's out of sight, before she calls for said cab and then finally reads Quinn's latest email, wondering what about what Quinn's just sent would make her smile the way she was.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 31 December 2009**

_Dear Sneaky Soulmate,_

_Should I find that creepy? Because I definitely don't. For whatever reason, it's actually a comfort to know you're somewhere looking out for me._

_I can be smart sometimes, but you know me, which means you're aware of the Neanderthals I've dated, which really questions my judgment, hmm?_

_I'm right here, dear Soulmate._

_Sometimes, I wish I could be invisible. It'd be nice to be able to walk into a room and not have people immediately clamouring for my attention. It's the reason I'm more of a fan of costume parties. Anonymity is key._

_I think, the answer to that question you'll have to decide for yourself._

_Quinn_

* * *

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 01 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Happy New Year, Quinn! I know I haven't experienced many yet, but this one has possibly been the best one yet, and you have to know it's because of you. Thank you for watching Singin' In the Rain with me. It's a relief to know you have such good musical taste. I wish you a great, amazing year, Quinn, and I hope I get to be part of it._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: This party BLOWS.  
** **Date: 01 January 2010**

_Dear Ever-Optimistic Soulmate,_

_Happy New Year to you, too! Again, I think you're just being kind, but I'm glad you've had a decent evening. That musical is golden, and I'm glad you're not against musicals. They're kind of a secret pleasure for me, and I'll literally die if that truth ever came out, so don't tell anyone, please and thank you._

_I think I'm willing, if the offer still stands._

_Quinn_

* * *

Rachel is aware it's considered poor form to ask about other people's soulmates. She also knows not many people are even aware of her birthday, which keeps any curious eyes to a minimum. The wrap around her wrist feels heavy and clunky, even though it's everything but. She's halfway convinced everyone is staring at it when she walks into school the first day back from Winter Break. As if Quinn's name is able to be seen through the fabric for everyone who looks, a beacon for everyone to question why the Universe has chosen _her_.

Honestly, it's a question she's asked herself several times. She suspects several people are going to get antsy about who Quinn's soulmate is going to be, the closer they get to her birthday, and Rachel just wants to make it easier for her, in any way she can. She actually had a plan to slip a little note into Quinn's locker, but her fathers delayed her at breakfast, and doing something like that now is just a death wish.

The past few days have been something like bliss, if she's being honest. A _willing_ Quinn is so much more than she ever anticipated. A _willing_ Quinn is flirty and dangerous, and Rachel doesn't think she ever actually stood a chance for anything platonic. It's a wonder the entire world isn't hopeless over Quinn. Rachel thinks, if Quinn allowed people to _know_ her, people would be falling at her feet. Kind of the way Rachel almost wants to, the second she sees Quinn standing at her open locker and sorting through her books for her first lessons.

Rachel can't stop herself from looking at her, gaze locked onto Quinn's profile and feeling a flurry of emotions that make her next steps stutter a little. Her body wants to go to Quinn, heart seconding the motion, but brain knowing to resist. She's not stupid, or naive or any of those other things that would make her throw herself off some kind of popularity cliff. The problem is that Rachel knows she's going to have to be honest with Quinn about her gender at some point between now and February tenth. The idea is _not_ to blindside her, and Rachel feels awful for perpetuating this clear omission. The longer it goes on, the worse it's going to be.

It's those precious seconds of hesitance that spell trouble for her. She doesn't see the jock or the slushy in his hand before it's all over her, and she's dripping wet and cold. It's shocking, mostly, and made that must worse when she blinks her eyes open to see Quinn standing right in front of her. Her expression is unreadable, mouth pressed into a thin line. Rachel doesn't think she'll be able to say anything in this moment, and Quinn saves her from the additional humiliation by simply shaking her head and turning to walk away.

Rachel can't decide if that's better or worse, but she doesn't waste any time dwelling on it. She ignores the laughter and taunts, and makes her way to her locker to retrieve her slushy kit. It's a practiced action at this point, and she quietly seethes at the inconvenience of it all. All she wanted was an easy, simple day - possibly to watch Quinn from afar - and now _this_.

With a sigh, she makes her way to the quietest bathroom she knows, intent on getting in and out as quickly as possible, but she halts at the sight of Quinn just standing there when she opens the door.

As if she's been waiting the entire time.

They do make it a habit of meeting in bathrooms, so Rachel isn't too surprised, but she really wished it were happening under different circumstances. She definitely doesn't want to look like a sad rat right about now.

"You really should be more careful," is the first thing Quinn says, but her tone is odd. There's nothing vicious in it. It almost sounds like something of a warning; even a little exasperated.

"I've found that taking care isn't mutually exclusive to getting slushied," Rachel finds herself saying. "No amount of care is enough."

Quinn hums softly, nodding once, as if she understands. "I hate Cherry," she says, quiet in her admission.

That draws a breath from Rachel. "You've been slushied before?"

Quinn shrugs. "Eighth grade was a nightmare," she says.

"My entire school career has been a nightmare," Rachel offers, which is probably the most candid she's managed to be with Quinn in person. Not since Quinn's brief stint in Glee, when they could have possibly actually become friends, before it all fell apart.

Quinn drops her gaze, saying nothing. For a moment, Rachel wonders if Quinn knows who they are to each other. As if she can somehow sense that her soulmate is standing right in front of her. As if she can feel that something has changed for Rachel.

For _them_.

When Quinn looks up again, her eyes are the greenest Rachel has ever seen. It's almost as if everything is amplified in her features. Her cheekbones sharper, jaw firmer. It's almost as if she's aged just in this moment; grown into someone who is ready for what having a soulmate means.

Rachel almost allows herself to enjoy this moment, but she's cold and probably going to be late for her first class. Which would be alarming enough, but, then, Quinn's gaze drops to her wrist, and she holds her breath, almost waiting for Quinn to say something.

She does.

"That's new." The comment is soft, almost a little confused. Her expression is stupid adorable, and Rachel almost reveals all her secrets.

"It is," is what she says, though.

Quinn blinks slowly. Once, twice. "I suppose congratulations are in order," she says, her tone odd once more. "Do you know them?"

Rachel doesn't think she lies when she answers, "No," because she doesn't really _know_ Quinn. "But I think I'm starting to," she adds after a moment, and Quinn's eyebrows shoot up at the crypticness.

Well.

Quinn can make of that what she will.

"I should probably - " Rachel starts, a little awkward as she gestures to her general person, which basically gives Quinn permission to give her a once-over.

"Oh," Quinn suddenly says, catching herself, cheeks a little pink. "I - yeah, you probably should." And then she moves, tossing Rachel one last look over her shoulder before she walks right out and leaves Rachel even more confused than before.

* * *

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Prophetic Soulmate,_

_Is your first week back going as fucking terribly as mine?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_2010's barely been a week, Quinn. It can't be that bad. I can barely tell anything is wrong, and, believe me, I have been looking._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Stalker Soulmate,_

_Santana is still miffed at me for bailing on Puck's New Year's party, so she's been exceptionally snippy. Also, Brittany keeps looking at me strangely; as if she's trying to figure me out. I low-key suspect she can tell you've contacted me, and she's just too polite to say anything until I'm ready to tell them._

_Just how much time do you spend watching me?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Oh, is that why Santana's been on the warpath? I heard she made a group of freshmen cry yesterday. Are you worried about that? Not that I can pick up via text, but you sound calm about the idea of her/them knowing?_

_Not nearly enough time. I'll be honest and say that I was curious about you long before your name appeared on my wrist, but I can't seem to stop my gaze from finding you whenever either of us walks into a room._

_And... here you come. You just walked past my table in the cafeteria, and can I just say you look especially beautiful this fine day, Miss Fabray?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Charmer Soulmate,_

_I mean, it could be the reason, but one can never quite tell when it comes to Santana. We've been friends for just eighteen months, and I won't even begin to pretend to understand her._

_I wouldn't say I'm worried, per se. I just wouldn't know what to tell them about you, except that you exist. You already know all this stuff about me, and I know next to nothing in return. I don't know if your taste in musicals counts as something noteworthy, but I'm probably not going to pledge my future based on something like that._

_Wow. Okay. If you're watching me right now, then you must be able to tell I'm blushing. Thank you. People compliment me a lot, but I don't think I've ever actually believed anyone until you. What have you done to me?_

_Quinn_

Rachel feels her own smile spread across her face, heart beating a little faster at the idea of being able to affect Quinn in any way. The mere idea of getting Quinn to blush in any capacity fills her with a sense of accomplishment so large that she can barely contain it.

"What are you smiling at?" Kurt asks, and reality makes itself known.

Rachel is tempted not to answer, because she's also a little miffed at him for what happened at the party, and she's been unafraid to let him know. He's just lucky they're sitting together in the cafeteria at all.

Either way, she says, "Nobody."

Kurt frowns. "What?" he asks. "That - that isn't even an answer to the question I asked."

This time, Rachel ignores his running commentary.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I think understanding teenagers should be a life skill, or some kind of talent you should be able to write on your résumé._

_I suppose I should be relieved that you're not as worried as I imagined you would be. I am at advantage, yes, but it's all for a reason. I don't think we're ready for the truth of who we are quite yet. Hey. My musical knowledge should be the most important factor in the decision you make._

_I spend long minutes wondering if it's even allowed for you to exist. As if anyone as perfect as you shouldn't just get to be a normal human being like the rest of us. It's silly, I know, but the importance of you and all you represent has to be accepted by the Universe for us to be in this soulmate position. We're meant to be, and I'm definitely looking forward to it._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Far-Too-Kind Soulmate,_

_Can anyone realistically say they understand teenagers? I mean, people generally spend years studying human beings and their behaviour, but can they really say they've figured out the wannabe-adults?_

_I think I've surprised myself with how little I'm worried, if I'm honest. You're obviously someone in this school, which is both terrifying and a relief. Whenever I allowed myself to think about my potential soulmate, I almost wished they would be someone I didn't yet know. As in, I didn't want you to have seen this person I have to be. If we're as estranged as you say we are, then I can still barely believe you're still interested, at all._

_It constantly baffles me that you think I'm anything special. Is that something the bond perpetuates? Like, regardless of the person I am, because we're connected this way; you have no choice but to think I'm worth something?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 6 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I'm pretty sure even teenagers don't understand teenagers. Sometimes, I find myself caught pondering the decisions my classmates make and wonder if they're high or something. Seriously. Do teenagers even use their brains?_

_I wish you wouldn't believe so little of yourself. It baffles ME that you hold all this insecurity inside. If it makes you feel better, I don't think anyone can tell._

_I want to see every person you are, Quinn. I want to know every part of you; learn all your quirks and help with your demons. I don't know if it is the bond helping me feel this things; allowing me to accept them, but I think the point is not to fight it._

_The bond is supposed to be beautiful, and I don't think it would lead either of us astray. Your specialness is just a reality, and I didn't need your name on my wrist to see it. I just needed it to gain access to it._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

Rachel lifts her head from her phone's screen, her eyes automatically finding Quinn, who is seated across the cafeteria. She's talking to Brittany, both of them looking soft and perfect as they lean their heads towards each other.

Rachel worries about Quinn when she gets into these moods. They've had conversations already about their respective senses of worth, but there's an undeniable self-loathing that exists in Quinn's words, and Rachel wants nothing more to say and do all the things to assure her every negative thought she has about herself is misplaced.

Kurt waves a hand in front of Rachel's face, and her gaze drifts to him. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?"

"Your face," he says. "It just did a thing. Are you okay?"

"I - " she starts and stops, not sure if she wants to say anything, or what to say at all. She knows he's aware there must be a name on her wrist, and she also knows he's burned with curiosity since the wrap appeared.

They had a very important conversation a few weeks ago; when Kurt revealed his own mark to her. The name _Blaine Anderson_ , who they've both learned is a boy from Dalton Academy. With modern technology, it's sometimes easy to find your soulmate, and Kurt and Blaine have talked a little.

Blaine told Kurt he wanted to wait until he turned sixteen himself to start taking the bond seriously, which Rachel can accept. They still talk, sort of, and Rachel can tell the distance bothers Kurt, but respect is such a vital part of building any kind of relationship.

"Rachel?" Kurt says, and he sounds concerned.

She breathes deeply. "Were you scared?" she asks. "When the name was - "

"A boy's?"

Rachel nods, her brow furrowed.

"I was terrified," he admits. "Not surprised, of course, because I've known for a while, but, yeah, I'm _still_ terrified."

"Why?"

Kurt fiddles with his tie. "I wasn't completely honest with you, the last time we talked about this." He sighs. "Blaine isn't actually waiting to turn sixteen. Well, I mean, he _is_ , but he's also - he's not - " he stops. "Basically, the fact I'm a boy was a surprise to him, and he's struggling to accept it."

Rachel blinks. "Oh."

Kurt shrugs. "It's - yeah, it's not ideal, but it can be a shock to people. I've read several stories about it. I mean, I'm sure you've heard stories from your parents as well."

Rachel _has_. Some good and a lot bad. Internal homophobia can be just as toxic as external in some cases, and Rachel knows she's going to have to deal with both when it comes to Quinn Fabray.

She clears her throat. "It's a girl's name," she reveals, barely a whisper.

To Kurt's credit, the total of his visible reaction is raised eyebrows. "Have you made contact?" he asks.

She nods. "I just haven't told her I'm, well, me."

Kurt frowns. "What does that mean?"

"She knows I'm her soulmate, but she's not aware I'm a girl, or that I'm Rachel Berry."

Kurt spends a moment with that, and then gasps. "You _know_ her?"

Rachel almost laughs, because Kurt would lose his mind to know just how close they actually are. "I do," she says; "which is why I know my revelation probably isn't going to go well."

"What are you going to do?" he asks.

Frankly, despite all the progress she may or may not have already made, she still has absolutely no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

* * *

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fucking Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 10 January 2010**

_Dear Sympathetic Soulmate,_

_Today is my father's birthday. It's actually his fiftieth, which means it's a pretty big deal. My mother has been planning his 'big bash' for months, and I just know it's going to be an unpleasant evening, regardless of how well it goes. I've been dreading it for weeks, and my body is tense just thinking about it. I don't know if it makes sense that my skin constantly prickles when I have to be in those kinds of social situations. I know I'm as close to the kind of daughter my parents want NOW, but I wasn't always, and the notion that I'm still just pretending keeps playing on a loop in my head._

_What's worse is his birthday makes him kind of mean, because it's a yearly reminder that the name on his wrist isn't his wife's. I don't know the real story, but his family didn't approve of the girl at the time, and my mother was the preferred choice. It's made for a miserable marriage, and I wonder if I would braver than them. To defy my family. To pick a promised love over something like familial security._

_Because, I know you haven't explicitly said it, but our match wouldn't be approved by them, right? That's what you want to tell me, isn't it? We come from two entirely different worlds? We're the kind of bond that would raise eyebrows?_

_I wish I didn't care so much, but there's a very telling part of me that does._

_Quinn_

Rachel isn't surprised that Quinn has managed to deduce that much from their interactions, because she doesn't think she's played it down at all. She's worried. She's _constantly_ worried, because Quinn is Quinn, and Rachel is Rachel, and she sometimes wonders if their genders are actually going to be their biggest problem. Or if it'll be something else.

Why couldn't their biggest problem have been whether or not they share a love of olives?

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Fucking Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 10 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Wow, you're really hating 2010, huh? Surely there's one thing that's look up. (Hint hint, nudge nudge)_

_Happy birthday to your father, I guess. I'm sorry you have to go through that tonight. Sometimes, I dream of whisking you away and proving to you that you're exactly who you're meant to be without all the pretence, and that's the person I'm enjoying getting to know. We could be happy. We're GOING to be happy. I just know it, Quinn._

_My parents have a pretty painful story as well. Their families didn't approve of the match from the very beginning, but they've managed to make it work. They're happy. Or, as happy as people can be during their middle age in Lima, Ohio. Maybe we're coming from two households who show us both ends of the spectrum, but I think that'll just make us appreciate whatever happens that bit more. We have one month to figure it out, and I have great faith in our ability to make it work._

_I can unequivocally say our match is going to cause a lot of problems, particularly for you. Nothing is going to be easy, but I stand by the truth that it's all going to be worth it, Quinn. I can't imagine anything involving you wouldn't be._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fucking Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 10 January 2010**

_Dear Super-Confused Soulmate,_

_(There may be ONE thing.)_

_Whisking me away, huh? Like some kind of Knight in shining armour coming to save some damsel in distress? Where would you take me? Where in the world could we get to be happy?_

_You've seen your parents go through that and you're still sure this is what you want? If it's going to be painful, how can you want it? How can you look at me - this person who's probably been so horrible to you in the past - and want to face the world just to be with me? How? Why? If you were smart, you would drop all of this immediately. If you were smart, you would cut your losses and try to find that elusive happiness elsewhere. We both know all I'm going to bring you is pain, and the one good thing I could ever do for you is to save you from it._

_Quinn_

Rachel has the sudden desire to grab Quinn's shoulders and shake some sense into her. It isn't some major sacrifice to seek the love and attention of your soulmate, and she's prepared to fight and talk until she's blue in the face to convince Quinn this isn't the worst thing in the world. They _will_ figure it out, and they _will_ be happy.

As it is, Rachel just knows her plight just got infinitely harder.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Fucking Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 10 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_(I'm glad we're in agreement of at least one thing.)_

_Not that I think you would need anyone to save you - because you're strong and independent - the answer is yes. I can be your Knight, if that's what you need. I would take you wherever you want to go. I would take you anywhere. Everywhere. It wouldn't even matter, because our happiness will always be with the other, regardless of our physical location._

_I've seen what my parents have gone through, yes, so how could I not want it? I'm probably going to spend a lot of time trying to convince you of this, but I'll say it until you believe it, okay? I do want it. And I do want you. I wouldn't be doing all of this if I didn't, and we're both aware of how horrible it is to deny soul bonds. Why wouldn't I fight for you? I know we don't really know each other, but the name on my wrist already makes you one of the most important people in my life. It's really as simple as that._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Fucking Fuck 2010.  
** **Date: 10 January 2010**

_Dear Losing-It Soulmate,_

_You are insane._

_Quinn_

Well.

Maybe she is.

* * *

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Potential Date?  
** **Date: 14 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I had an idea today. My best friend mentioned that it's a month until Valentine's Day, which is four days after your birthday, which means you'll know you I am, and have some kind of decision to make. I don't know if four days will be enough for you to come to terms with it, but I figure a lot of other things about our lives have been less than stellar, so why not go for the ultimate cliché and go on our first date on Valentine's Day? I guess that kind of screams romantic, but it doesn't have to be, if you're not comfortable with it. I just want to be able to SHOW you how special you are, and V-Day is as good as any opportunity to do so._

_Reckon you'd be okay with that?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Potential Date?  
** **Date: 14 January 2010**

_Dear Hopelessly-Cliché Soulmate,_

_And this was a spontaneous thought, huh? Just randomly. Of course it was._

_I reckon I'd be okay with that, yes._

_Romance away._

_Quinn_

* * *

Quinn surprises nearly the entire school when she epically rejects the opportunity to go on a date with Liam Johnson, the school's star baseball player. It's no secret to everyone that he's been eyeing her for weeks, and being visibly insufferable about it to anyone paying attention. It's probably the reason the rejection is as amazing it is.

Quinn humiliates him in front of the entire cafeteria, bringing him down a notch and letting everyone know _he_ would be lucky to land her, and not the other way around. She makes sure he knows badgering a girl to date you is not how you go about it.

Rachel would feel bad for him, but she doesn't.

Not even a little bit.

The display does make waves through the school, a lot of people questioning her relationship and soulmate status.

All while Rachel sits back and watches it all with mild curiosity and something like smouldering smugness.

Goodness, if Quinn could see her now.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Probably-Cocky Soulmate,_

_I didn't do it for you, in case you were thinking that. He just kept bugging me and being rude and kind of awful about it, so I did what I had to do. I don't know if you expect me to apologise for that, but I won't. I probably shouldn't have embarrassed him too much, but I hope it's a lesson not to come on too strongly from now on._

_There's confidence and there's arrogance, and then there's cockiness… are you any of those?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_If you must know, I wasn't thinking that, but it's nice to know you're considering me in this entire scenario. I imagine having boys telling you to date them can't be all that pleasant. I promise I'm not one of those._

_I'm pretty confident when it comes to my talents, that's for sure. Maybe arrogant in the sense that I know I'm better than everyone at this one thing I do in this whole place. And cocky, definitely, because I managed to score a date with you, and that is totally something to brag about._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Definitely-Cocky Soulmate,_

_You should probably know that I'm starting to consider you in quite a few things I've been doing. Being the Quinn I have to be at school is exhausting, and I ask myself 'What would MS think of what I'm about to do?' and then go from there._

_Hmm. I guess, maybe, on you, all those things might be considered attractive._

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_So, basically, I'm in your head? Possibly even in your heart? If you worried about how big my head was before, then we have a real problem now. I'm probably going to end up falling over._

_MS? Is that why this whole Liam thing has been all people are talking about? Because it's been so long since the Head Cheerleader made some kind of waves?_

_You find me attractive? Wow, my head is just getting bigger and bigger._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Bound-to-Topple-Over Soulmate,_

_Wow, you ARE cocky, huh? (But correct. You're kind of everywhere at this point, and I have no idea how that even happened.)_

_My Soulmate. You gave me the impression you're smarter than that. I'm actually a little disappointed. And embarrassed that I had to point it out at all._

_Hah, yeah, I'm trying not to be the awful person I've become. I'm not so sure it's working out, mainly because Santana always looks at me like I've lost my mind when I choose not to engage in all the things I used to. Personally, I think I like myself a bit more now, but it's been an adjustment. I just want to give you an actual reason to want me as I am, and not as you believe I can be._

_As far as I'm aware, you're probably the most attractive person I know, and what's so important is that it has nothing to do with your appearance._

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I am, and apparently I have a reason to be. (I'm sneaky like that, and now I'm smiling like a complete idiot.)_

_Oh. Hah, yeah, that makes sense. I totally knew that. I just wanted you to say it. Because, you know, just the thought of you calling me that, even in your head, makes me feel giddy._

_I think it's great that you want to be better, Quinn. I'm proud of you for making that decision. As much as you say it's about me; I know it's mostly about you, and that's the most important thing to remember going forward. I will always want you. It kind of comes with the whole soulmate territory, but I'm glad you're able to look at this bond as something positive now. I can't even explain how happy that makes me, just knowing you're more settled with who you are._

_I'm glad you think so, because I'm pretty sure my nose is enough to scare you away._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Don't Get Cocky  
** **Date: 19 January 2010**

_Dear Idiotic-Smiling Soulmate,_

_I wonder if you'd be this cocky with me in front of you. Isn't that something to think about?_

_Did you seriously just type out the word g-i-d-d-y, and not be ironic about it?_

_I don't really know what to say to all of that, beyond that there is a strange feeling in my chest knowing you're proud. I might be settling into this person I want to be for whatever reason, but you've been some kind of catalyst (sorry, I had a science lab today, and I've been using the jargon all day) for making this change. So, I suppose a thank you is in order. Thank you for believing in me, especially when nobody else did. Not even myself._

_I'm going to love your nose. I just know it._

_Quinn_

Not for the first time since they started talking, Rachel dares to dream.

It might actually all work itself out.

* * *

The feeling lingers.

Which is terrifying and kind of amazing. Quinn seems open and so willing, and Rachel enjoys every moment of this little bubble where it doesn't matter who or what they are, just that they get to _be_.

Rachel's fathers are patient with her, asking surface questions to find out how everything is going. She can't give them much beyond how content she is in whatever limbo she now exists, and the three of them seem to have accepted the situation as it is for the time being. It's probably not the healthiest stance to take, but Rachel doesn't want to stir the pot until she absolutely has to.

Kurt asks about it several times, but she doesn't have much more to tell him. There is a girl, who she's grown to care for in a way she anticipated, sure, but wasn't certain of, and she's worried for the moment the truth comes out and forces them to face it.

There is a girl, and Rachel can feel herself falling in love in all the best and worst ways. It is overwhelming and terrifying, everything and nothing, and Rachel feels both light and heavy with all the emotion the idea of her soulmate brings.

_Quinn Fabray_.

Rachel doesn't usually allow her wrist to remain bare for any length of time. It's usually only when she's in the shower, Quinn's name proud and out for only her to see. She finds herself staring at it more often than she'd care to admit. Her fathers once told her that it will change when her soulmate receives her mark, but they haven't said how.

It changes again the first time the marks are near each other. When they touch. When the bond becomes real and undeniable.

Rachel suddenly can't wait.

* * *

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: My Best Friends Know  
** **Date: 23 January 2010**

_Dear Bona Fide Soulmate,_

_So. I may or may not have told my best friends about you. I figure, at this point, you're stuck with me, which means you're going to learn about me and my friends. I don't really know how we started talking about it. Oh, wait, yeah, one of the cheerleaders, Christina, just had a birthday and her soulmate's name is Gregor, which some of the other girls have been teasing her about._

_Anyway, Santana's mark arrived some months ago, but Brittany's is still a year away. (Between me and you, I'm pretty sure I know what Britt's is going to say, but we definitely don't talk about that.) Because my birthday is coming up, Santana asked me rather jokingly what name I wish would appear. Brittany wants both Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, apparently._

_I just want your name, whatever it is. When I told them you'd made contact, they obviously had questions. I didn't have much to say other than I'm pretty content - dare I say even happy? - and that I might actually believe in all this soulmate bond thing, now that I've met you._

_Who am I, anymore, huh?_

_Quinn_

The email arrives during dinner with her fathers, and it takes nearly all of her willpower not to wolf down her food and rush upstairs to reply to whatever Quinn has sent.

Her fathers must sense it, because they exchange amused smiles, and then plainly tell her she's free to leave the table.

Despite the blush that blooms across her face, she mutters a quick thank you, and then shoots out of her chair and practically sprints upstairs. Any contact with Quinn makes her a little silly, and she's hoping and praying this feeling never disappears. Hoping beyond anything that they're actually able to pull it all off when the time comes.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: My Best Friends Know  
** **Date: 23 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_You haven't really mentioned how you feel about them knowing. Does it make you nervous? Are you relieved? Will they be able to support you when the inevitability of my reveal comes?_

_Poor Christina. People shouldn't tease her. Gregor is a cute name. For all they know, he cute be the hottest person on Earth. (Or, well, at least the second, because you exist.)_

_I'll admit I've been a little curious, because Santana keeps her wrist covered as well. People do that for only a few reasons, and I'm sorry the name is something she feels she has to hide. (Between you and me, we're definitely on the same page about that.) Wow, Zac AND Vanessa? I'm guessing Brittany is a High School Musical fan? Are you? You have to answer honestly._

_I want you to have my name, as well. There is something inexplicable about having the mark; knowing beyond a doubt that this one person in the world is the most important, and it's practically seared into your skin as proof. I want that for you. To be able to look down at your wrist and just know that I am there and with you and chosen for you and continuing to choose you._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

* * *

"I keep telling you to be more careful."

Rachel almost jumps out of her skin at the sound of the voice, spinning around fast enough that her neck joints actually click. She might actually be experiencing whiplash in this moment, but Quinn is standing in front of her and _what is pain, anyway_?

"To be fair, this really was my fault," Rachel tells her, acknowledging the slushy all over the front of her sweater. "I was being overly obnoxious in plain sight, so I should have expected it."

Quinn looks amused for only a moment, before her face falls. "You probably won't believe this, but I've kind of asked them to stop doing that."

Rachel raises her eyebrows, because that's news to her. " _Asked_?"

And, quite inexplicably, Quinn actually blushes. "Okay, so I probably _told_ them to stop," she says, chuckling to herself.

Rachel just continues to stare at her. "Told?"

"Okay, so I actually might have _threatened_ them," Quinn says, and she can barely look at Rachel. "Figured it was time to get rid of that practice."

"And you have that much power?"

Quinn waves a hand in the air. "Well, obviously not," she mutters. "I don't suppose you know who did it?"

Rachel shrugs. "Some jock," she answers. "At a certain point, they all kind of blend into one, which is probably what they think about us, as well."

"I think you do all right in the whole standing-out department," Quinn comments, and, once more, her tone of voice is odd. The words should be mean, but they sound strangely fond.

Huh?

"It's my nose, isn't it?" Rachel forces herself to say.

Quinn gives her a strange look, and Rachel wonders if this is the moment it all unravels, but Quinn just shakes her head as if she's clearing it. Then she says, "Next time - " only to stop a beat later. "Actually, there better not be a next time."

"Lofty promises, Fabray," Rachel says, her voice light, and Quinn gives her that strange look again, as if she has no idea who she is, but still knows her so well.

Well.

"I don't tend to make promises I have no intention of keeping," Quinn declares, and Rachel knows at least that much from their email interactions.

"Me neither," Rachel assures her, and then just manages to stop herself from saying _we're the perfect match_.

Because.

No.

_Just give it all away, why don't you_?

Quinn watches her for another moment, practically studying her intensely, before she does that head-shake thing again, mutters a quick _later, Berry,_ and then leaves Rachel to lament all her choices.

It remains to be seen if she's making good ones.

* * *

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Don't-Be-Alarmed Soulmate,_

_My sister is pregnant. My mother told me the news when I got home, and I'm not entirely sure how to feel about it. I'm happy for her, of course, because babies and children are God's way of showing us He's not yet discouraged of us. The problem is that I know she's not happy._

_She's married, but not to her soulmate. I've never learned his name - I was nine and they just never bothered to include me in all of that - but I know he wasn't suitable. You would think, given my own parents' experiences, that they would be more sympathetic to their children, but that didn't happen. They found her a boy, and they've been married just a few months, and they're both miserable._

_Obviously, my entire family is ecstatic. Though, I wonder why they find unsuitable bonds so repulsive when they're all products of unbonded parents. At least they see nothing taboo about that, or the world would really be more messed up than it is._

_Anyway. The question I wanted to ask is: do you want children?_

_Quinn_

Despite the status of their current relationship, this feels like a very important question. Rachel's never heard of soulmates having different desires when it comes to children, because that can be a very divisive topic when planning for a future, and soul bonds are supposed to _work_.

Which is why she's suddenly certain her answer will be exactly what Quinn wishes she'd say.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Despite everything, I suppose congratulations to your sister are in order. It can't be an easy situation, and I guess we can just hope that the cycle doesn't continue with her. Maybe it'll end up better for her children, and your children._

_Perhaps ours…_

_Because, yes, I want children. I think I'd be blessed to have any, but I'd probably want at least more than one. I'm an only child, and it can be a little lonely at times. I like to think I have a love to give, and I'm not too selfish enough to keep it all to myself. Also, as a parent, I think it's important to have the opportunity to pawn off your kids to one another. Imagine having to entertain your own kid all the time. It'll be a real lesson in humility being called boring by the child you've birthed. I don't think I could handle that, to be honest._

_Technically, you haven't answered your own question. Do YOU want children?_

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Silly Soulmate,_

_YES._

_LOTS._

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Uh, how many is 'LOTS?' Because we're probably imagining different numbers here._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Super-Silly Soulmate,_

_Are you worried?_

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_Not when you're around._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Totally Random Question  
** **Date: 27 January 2010**

_Dear Okay-So-Maybe-Not-So-Silly Soulmate,_

_Well, then, it's a good thing I'm not planning on going anywhere._

_Quinn_

* * *

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: We're Almost There  
** **Date: 01 February 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_February is now among us, which means we're just that bit closer to the truth and the future and some difficult decisions. I know what I want, and all I can do is hope you want the same things, too._

_In nine days, you'll know without a doubt who I am. And, in thirteen days, we'll possibly go on one of many, many dates to come. I'm looking forward to all of it, and I don't want you to think otherwise._

_We're lucky we get to have all of this, and I'm not about to deny a gift like this._

_Just thought you needed the reminder, in case you were starting to doubt me and us. We're going to be able to do this. Just you wait and see._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: We're Almost There  
** **Date: 01 February 2010**

_Dear Reassuring Soulmate,_

_I definitely envy your belief. I have little of my own, but I'm sure you'd let me borrow some, right? You have more than enough to go around, don't you?_

_I didn't necessarily need the reminder, but thank you anyway. It's not long to go, you're right, and I have to admit I'm trying to think about it as little as possible. I don't think doing that is a good idea, but it's all I have at the moment._

_When the time comes, we'll face it and everything else. At least, that much I definitely believe._

_Quinn_

Rachel makes the unintentional decision to accept the words as they are. She's an optimist that way, and she's sure she'll break her own heart if she doesn't.

She's counting down the days, sure, but she also knows she needs to be calm. She's anticipating Quinn to freak out in some way; for her family to force a choice out of her. She knows it's going to be a difficult few weeks after, but she believes.

Quinn is at least right about that. She has more than enough to go around.

* * *

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Mysterious Soulmate,_

_You said something particular the other day, which sounded like a challenge. As if I couldn't figure out who you are if I tried. I mean, you've given away more than you realise, so I think I could make an educated guess._

_Quinn_

Rachel knows this is dangerous territory. The smart thing to do would be to deflect and shift topics. This isn't a conversation they need to be having at this moment. They still have a week to figure out what they're going to do.

But Rachel can't help her curiosity.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_It wasn't meant as a challenge, but I see you've accepted it, either way._

_By all means, guess away._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Doubtful Soulmate,_

_You're so sure I haven't figured you out, aren't you? I have methods for learning your identity, you know? I could totally do it._

_Quinn_

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I'm waiting._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Not-So-Cocky-Now Soulmate,_

_Well, the simplest way to figure you out is your birthday, so I checked for any people who turned sixteen a week before you first emailed me. Hah. By that logic, you have to be one of four people: Mason Mount, Christian Fuchs, Jamal Lewis or Declan Rice._

_Tell me I'm right._

_Quinn_

Rachel isn't surprised that Quinn would go looking in that direction, and she's also not surprised only boys made it onto Quinn's list. This feels like an important moment for them, and Quinn has left a door open for a revelation that has the power to alter what they've tried to build in these few short weeks.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I am none of those people, Quinn._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Mystery Soulmate,_

_I know._

_Because you're a girl, aren't you?_

_Quinn_

Air gets stuck in Rachel's throat, because that is definitely not what she was expecting to see. Does Quinn know who she is? If not, how could she possibly know Rachel is a girl?

Unless.

Unless it has nothing to do with Rachel at all, and Quinn has always suspected her soulmate would end up a girl, based on who _she_ is.

Huh.

Before she can even begin to formulate some kind of response, another email from Quinn comes through, and Rachel feels childish for not wanting to read what she has to say. As much as Rachel tried to convince herself she's wanted Quinn to know; she doesn't think she's ready for it.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Ongoing Mystery  
** **Date: 04 February 2010**

_Dear Sapphic Soulmate,_

_I told you I half-expected not to end up with a soulmate at all, and I almost wished for it. It seemed easier not to end up with one than to be bonded to someone my family wouldn't approve of. Because I've known about myself for a while, and I could almost kid myself into thinking I had it all wrong if my potential soulmate proved to be the correct gender by society's standards._

_When you first messaged me, I wanted you to be a boy. Just for my own sanity. If I was going to have a soulmate, I needed you to be a boy. But you're not, and I must confess I've known for a while. You don't casually mention watching musicals to distract from cramps and not set off some alarms. You're not as smooth as you like to think you are._

_I don't know if we're afraid of the same things, but I do know I'm terrified constantly. When my birthday comes, there will be music to face, and this isn't something I'm going to be able to hide from my family. I don't know what's going to happen. I've tried not to think about it too much, but I now have less than a week to figure out the rest of my life, and I wanted you to know that, if you were afraid of my reaction to your being a girl, then that's one thing you can cross off._

_It's just everything else._

_I don't know what's going to happen. If you expect anything to happen, at all. It's overwhelming and terrifying and I can't make any promises. I mean, I'm going to be turning sixteen, which is both young and old, and I'm facing the reality of potentially losing my family based on something the Universe has foretold. It's not something I'm ready to face, but I don't have much of a choice, do I?_

_Everything just seems very up in the air at the moment, but I do know one thing that might make the situation less daunting. There are three more names to add to the list of potentials, but I'm not going to reveal them. All you need to know is there's one in particular I'm hoping you are._

_Quinn_

Rachel doesn't waste time launching herself to her feet. She wouldn't even know what to say to Quinn in this moment, so she doesn't try, in case she just messes everything up. Instead, she heads down the stairs, finds her parents in the living room, and tells them everything.

_Everything_.

One or more of them ends up in tears, but they're no closer to figuring out what they're going to do by the time the tale is complete.

Hiram says, "We are going to work this all out, Sweetheart," with the kind of certainty that's believable, and LeRoy adds, "She'll always have a home here, if she needs it."

It's all Rachel needs to hear.

* * *

Rachel doesn't mean to bump into Quinn the next day, but she accepts some things are inevitable. All she was able to send back to Quinn the night before was a weak _I promise we're going to figure it all out_ and _you're always going to have me_ , and the lack of conviction is clearly evident in the vacant look on Quinn's face.

Quinn is standing in front of one of the mirrors in the bathroom, merely studying herself, and Rachel would happily remain here and watch her for years and years.

It takes Quinn a long moment to realise she's even entered the bathroom, and Rachel receives the tiniest smile in eventual reaction.

"I see you avoided a slushy this morning," Quinn says after a moment.

"I was being more careful," Rachel informs her, which makes Quinn's smile grow slightly before it completely fades. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?"

"You look a little..." she trails off.

"Awful," Quinn supplies.

"I was going to go with 'exhausted,'" she says with a small huff.

"I didn't get much sleep," Quinn confesses. "Too much on my mind. Difficult decisions to make."

"Oh?"

Quinn hums softly, looking thoughtful. "Can I ask you something totally random?" she asks, because she does that.

"Sure."

Quinn takes a breath, and then looks her right in the eye when she asks, "What's your favourite musical?"

Rachel's heart stops. There's really no other explanation for what happens inside her chest, because that's a dangerous question and it holds meaning.

It holds the potential for a revelation, or lack thereof.

Rachel forces her face into an expression of confusion and says, " _Funny Girl_ ," with an air of certainty.

The kind that will put off the truth for just another few days.

The kind that causes something significant to happen to Quinn's face, because Rachel has revealed her love for _Singin' In the Rain_ rather extensively through their emails, and this answer is important.

Quinn looks almost... disappointed, but that can't be. It's impossible. She recovers quickly, shaking her head at herself. "I've never seen it," she confesses quietly.

"I would definitely recommend it," Rachel tells her, and she hates herself a little bit for not being brave enough to have this conversation right now. She's just made it worse for them, which is merely confirmed some hours later when she finds an email Quinn has sent.

Something that could be the last one.

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: I'm Sorry.  
** **Date: 05 February 2010**

_Dear Deserves-Better Soulmate,_

_I'm sorry._

_I don't think I can do this. I don't know if I'm still willing._

_Quinn_

The first thing Rachel does is cry.

Not just about the email, but about how hopeless everything suddenly feels. It took one day for it all to unravel, and Quinn hasn't even turned sixteen yet. Quinn doesn't even really know _who_ she is, and still she's ready to run.

Well.

Rachel doesn't blame Quinn, not really. She understands her, which is perhaps worse. Like, how can she be angry with Quinn when Rachel anticipated something like this? The problem is it's come too soon, and she's not prepared, and, as much as she thought she could handle, it hurts more than she thought it would that she's failed to convince Quinn they can do this.

Because they can.

Of course they can. Rachel wouldn't have even tried for contact if she didn't believe their situation wasn't hopeless and unsalvageable. They're going to figure it out.

They will.

Why won't Quinn just believe it?

* * *

Quinn is subdued at school.

It's nothing really noticeable to the untrained eye, but Rachel has spent a lot of time watching Quinn to know when she's being uncharacteristically quiet. She's obviously distracted, looking a little lost in her own head, and Rachel wants nothing more than to think of the right words to explain that it doesn't have to be all bad.

Even if it feels like that right now.

If Quinn is going to need more reassurance, then Rachel will happily give her that. Rachel will give her everything, if she were to ask.

That's the thing, though.

Quinn doesn't think she can, and Rachel obviously hasn't done enough to let her know she should. They're now stuck in this strange limbo, with just days to go, and Rachel can't stand the thought of Quinn dreading what is supposed to be something amazing.

"It's getting close, isn't it?" Kurt asks at lunch, eyeing her seriously.

She nods absently, resisting the sudden, unstoppable urge to look at Quinn across the cafeteria. "It's days away," she confirms.

"How are you feeling?"

"Anxious."

"Why?"

Rachel breathes deeply. "She knows I'm a girl," she explains. "It seems like she's known for a while, but just chose to ignore it until she couldn't anymore."

"Oh."

Rachel looks at him, noting the understanding and sympathy written all over his face, and hating it. "Please don't do that."

"I'm sorry."

She sighs heavily. "It's not as if I've given up," she tells him. "It's just going to be harder. I mean, you haven't given up on Blaine, have you?"

Kurt smiles, at least looking as if he believes her. "You love her," he says, pointing out whatever he's managed to deduce from her facial expression.

"I - " she starts, and then stops, because that's - that's not -

Huh.

"I - yeah," she says, quiet and a little bit in wonder at herself. "I guess I do." She doesn't really know how that happened in such a short time. It's been strange, getting to know Quinn from afar, but having her right in front of her, as well.

"I don't think I have half as much belief as you do," Kurt says.

This time, Rachel does risk a glance at Quinn, who is looking particularly glum as she stares at her lunch. "I kind of have to," she finds herself saying. "It has to be enough for the both of us."

* * *

Rachel drafts three different emails until she deems the final one suitable. She knows she would spend hours poring over it if left to her own devices, so she cuts herself off, takes a deep breath, and sends the kind of email she hopes will win over Quinn.

Now, all she can do is wait.

**To: lucyquinnfabray  
** **From: your-soulmate  
** **Subject: Stupid Fucking 2010.  
** **Date: 09 February 2010**

_Dear Quinn,_

_I decided to borrow the sentiment from you, because 2010 has been quite the year so far, hasn't it? I'll be the first to admit I had high hopes for it, and I still do._

_I get that you're scared. I'm scared, too. We're young. We have such little life experience, and I think the Universe kind of royally screws us over by revealing our soulmates so young. We're barely really people, still minors and not quite established enough to pursue our bonds without help._

_Well._

_I have the help. I realise you're worried you won't, which is valid. You know your situation better than I do, so I won't try to convince you it won't be difficult, because it will be. When I first decided to message you, all I wanted was to prepare you for the moment you knew who I was. I thought, if you got to know me beforehand, you would see that I don't care who you are or what type of family you come from. I don't care that there are so many things stacked against us. I don't care about anything other than your safety and happiness. Which I know I can give you._

_Because it's worth it. You are worth it. WE are worth it, and that's what I hope you believe as well. Because, tomorrow, you're going to wake up to find my name on your wrist. You're turning sixteen, and you're going to learn that the future of your happiness lies with me. Which, believe me, is as terrifying as it sounds._

_But I'm here. I believe in what we've managed to build so far, and what we can have in our shared future. I believe in you and me, and us, and our ridiculous, prefect bond. I believe there's a reason the Universe picked us for each other, and I hope you'll allow yourself to believe it too._

_I'm a patient person, so I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. I don't know what'll happen at school, and I won't even try to predict your reaction to what you learn tomorrow. I do want to say this, though. Happy birthday for tomorrow. Despite all your feelings towards what's about to happen, I hope you have a wonderful, amazing day, because you serve all the good things the world has to offer._

_I did want to add one more thing. Something important._

_On Valentine's Day, I'm going to be at the Lima Bean at seven o'clock. We have a standing date, and I am going to show up. I don't know if four days will be enough time for you to wrap your head around everything, but I'm going to be there, and I hope HOPE you'll be there, too. Quinn, you are the most important person, regardless of our bond, and I hope you'll give us the chance to figure out what it all means. Together._

_Until then,  
_ _Your Soulmate_

* * *

The waiting is the hardest part, but she's patient, and that's exactly what Quinn needs right now.

* * *

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: Stupid Fucking 2010.  
** **Date: 10 February 2010**

_Dear Rachel-Berry-Who-Is-Apparently-My-Soulmate,_

_You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?_

_Quinn_

This time, Rachel doesn't cry.

But it isn't really the most pleasant thing to wake up to, and she stays in bed for twenty minutes longer than she usually would. She doesn't want to feel heartbroken, but she is a little. She thought something like this would happen, but the reality of it is much worse than she anticipated it would be.

But, she's strong and determined, so she rolls out of bed and prepares to face the day.

And, possibly, Quinn.

Which is a futile worry in the end, because Quinn isn't even at school. Rachel's worry sparks and ignites, and she can't pay attention to anything in class or around her. Her parents aren't sure what to say or do for her, other than show their support; and Kurt just gives her curious looks throughout the day, because she's as out of it as she's ever been.

Because Quinn isn't here today, and she doesn't show up the next day or the next.

By the weekend, there are already an endless number of rumours going around, but Rachel doesn't pay attention to any of them, because she's possibly one of the only people who actually knows the truth.

Quinn's soul mark appeared, and now they have to face the truth it presents.

Whatever that entails.

It helps and also doesn't when Brittany Pierce gives her a hug, totally out of the blue, and then keeps walking as if Rachel wouldn't have questions.

Which, if she really allows herself to think about it, she could probably answer them herself. It doesn't matter how, but Brittany must know she and Quinn are soulmates. Whether Quinn told her or she figured it out herself, Rachel doesn't know.

What she does know is the hug may or may not have helped, because, despite it all, she still feels so very far from Quinn, despite the recent change in the appearance of her mark. She knows it happened while she was asleep, but her the words are bolder now. Solid.

Her fathers tell her it means it's almost complete. The bond. Both souls are aware, and they just have to meet and touch for the bond to assume its own unique colour.

"What happens if it never completes?" she asks, not wanting to know the answer, but still asking the question.

Her fathers exchange a look, and she reads the fact neither of them can respond as answer enough.

* * *

On Valentine's Day, Rachel shows up.

She arrives early, which is just-on-time for her. Thankfully, the Lima Bean isn't too busy, and not decked out in Cupid paraphernalia like some of the other places. It's a coffee shop, and it's managed to maintain its integrity.

Quinn knows who she is, so there's no need to hide. Which is why she picks her table with privacy in mind. If - when - Quinn shows, then they need to be able to have a conversation without worrying about anyone overhearing them.

Just before seven o'clock, Rachel orders a large green tea, and then proceeds to sip at it as slowly as possible.

At five past, she starts to grow antsy, because Quinn has always struck her as a punctual person.

At ten past the hour, she takes out her phone to check if she's received any email excuses. Instead, she finds a _good luck_ from Kurt and offers from her fathers to come fetch her if it doesn't go to plan.

At quarter past, her leg starts bouncing, and she doesn't bother to stop it. She keeps her head down, focused on playing Solitaire on her phone. Hah.

At nineteen minutes past seven o'clock on the evening of the fourteenth of February 2010, a human being slides into the seat opposite Rachel and sets a cup of coffee on the table.

Rachel freezes.

She does not move, and she does not breathe. She also doesn't look up, her heart unable to handle the thought of lifting her head and the person not being Quinn. That would crush her, and she's not ready for that kind of heartbreak.

Then her phone vibrates in her hand, startling her slightly. Her eyes widen at the sight of Quinn's name, and - yeah -

Okay.

She can do this.

All she has to do is open this email and -

**To: your-soulmate  
** **From: lucyquinnfabray  
** **Subject: I was right. I told you I was going to love your nose.  
** **Date: 14 February 2010**

_Dear Rachel,_

_Look up. Please. I want to see your eyes._

_Until now,  
_ _Your Soulmat_ e _(a.k.a. Quinn)_

_P.S. Firstly, I am sorry. I am also terrified and overwhelmed and sad and ecstatic and relieved and a lot heart sore. I've barely slept the past few days, and I have missed you so, so much. I'm sorry I've made such a mess of everything. It's probably not going to be the last time, because I'm me, and that is a volatile, confusing person. But I'm willing, Rachel. I am SO willing, because I look down at my wrist and I see your name, and I've never felt anything so certain and right in my life. I want this. I want you, and everything this pairing brings. Because I now know it's not pain. It will never be pain with you, and that is a beautiful thing._

_P.P.S. I really do love your nose. I always have._

_P.P.P.S. Is it too soon to tell you that you're the one I was hoping for?_

Tears.

When she finally does look up, there are tears, and it's embarrassing, but Quinn is actually right there and she's smiling and there are tears in her eyes, too.

"We're a mess," is what Rachel's brain helpfully offers.

Quinn laughs; this unexpected thing, bursting out of her and catching them both by surprise. Her eyes are a little wide, glistening in the fluorescent light, and she's never looked more beautiful.

"You're here," Rachel says, allowing the disbelief to seep into her voice.

Quinn's smile dims slightly, but it's still there. "I'm here."

"Hi."

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Hi."

Rachel wants to reach out and touch her to confirm she's real for herself, but she manages to control herself. She doesn't want to scare her away before they've had an actual conversation.

Which suddenly stumps her. She has no idea what to say now that they're here. Coffee. Maybe she should offer -

Oh.

Quinn already has coffee.

Uh.

"It's not too soon," Rachel suddenly blurts.

"What?"

"It's not too soon," she repeats, calmer. She's basically answering Quinn's question from her email, because that's the part her brain has decided on which to be stuck.

It takes Quinn a moment to catch on, but then a glorious, gorgeous smile blooms across her face. "Are you about to be cocky about it?"

"Almost definitely," Rachel says.

Quinn's smile grows, which seems impossible. "Anything I could say to drop you down a peg?"

"Not in this moment, no."

The silence that follows is long and perfect, the two of them just looking at each other with such stupid smiles on their faces. It feels big and monumental, despite Rachel's assurances to Quinn, and she doesn't know if it can get better than this. She was convinced she wouldn't end up this lucky.

But, then, Quinn reaches her arm across the small round table, and Rachel's breath catches in her throat at the sight of the inside of Quinn's exposed wrist.

At the sight of _her_ name tattooed against pale, delicate skin.

_Rachel Berry_.

As if she needed actual proof to explain what she's been feeling this entire time. For a girl she would have been able to find in an ocean of people, their souls meant to be one.

"Wow," she breathes, her own mark tingling where it's still covered.

It's still covered, and Quinn's is open and displayed to the world as if she doesn't care who sees. Isn't that something?

It takes the nervous, hesitant look on Quinn's face to prompt Rachel to move. She scrambles to remove the wrap around her own wrist, revealing the name that might be evident on her skin, but is actually seared onto her heart.

Like Quinn, she lays her left hand on the tabletop, palm up, and Quinn's eyes grow wide at the sight. Then she blushes, and Rachel swears she feels it in her bones. Her very being _knows_ Quinn is near. Within touching distance.

This is the first time their marks have been near each other, and it is as if the entire world fades away.

"Can I?" Quinn asks, quiet and reverent. At Rachel's nod, Quinn slowly inches her unmarked hand towards Rachel's wrist, fingers gentle as she traces the letters of her own name. It tingles pleasantly, warming at Quinn's touch, and Rachel feels larger than life.

"Wow," Rachel says again, and Quinn smiles at her again. She doesn't think she'll get used to that.

Quinn takes a deep breath, and then finally moves her marked hand. Rachel suspects something is about to happen. It sizzles within her, and her eyes widen the moment they touch.

It's supposed to change. For only them to see, and Rachel's breath stutters when the letters light up in a vibrant yellow, before blazing a bright red, and finally settling into a golden hue.

This time, Quinn is the one to say, "Wow."

Rachel can't bring herself to move, just watching as Quinn's hand turns, holding hers for what is going to be the first of many, many times.

Quinn is holding her hand.

_Quinn is holding her hand_.

"You saw that, right?" Quinn asks after a moment.

Rachel blinks, because, yeah, she saw that, and it was _very_ bright.

"I read somewhere that the marks are supposed to burn with the colours of our souls whenever they touch," Quinn explains, staring at their hands in wonder. "But, the rest of the time, they glow the colour of our shared bond."

"Which is gold," Rachel says, finding her voice.

"Which is gold," Quinn confirms.

There's nothing more to say, and Rachel feels content to sit here for forever, Quinn's hand in hers and nothing else on her mind.

Except.

"What made you change your mind?" Rachel asks, suddenly feeling considerably smaller than she did a minute ago.

Quinn frowns, clearly not following.

"About coming," Rachel clarifies. "I - I was sure you weren't going to show."

"Oh." Quinn blinks slowly. "I didn't need anything to change my mind, Rachel. I was always going to come."

"Oh."

Quinn drops her gaze to their hands again, and her fingers gently squeeze, as if that'll help her explain herself. "I just needed the time to wrap my head around what it means that I'm here."

"And, what does it mean?"

Quinn licks her lips, her expression thoughtful. "It means that I'm all you get," she says. "Just me, and all my sarcasm and self-depreciation and crippling fear of basically everything. You get just me, and I - I hope that's enough."

Rachel's heart would burst right out of her chest if it could. "You're being brave," she says, in awe of this amazing, unbelievable girl.

"I'm being brave," Quinn echoes. "Maybe a little naïve, but I have a soulmate who believes in the bond enough for the both of us, so who am I to question that?"

"You're choosing happiness," Rachel says.

Quinn tilts her head to the side just a little. "I'm choosing _you_ ," she confirms. "Which, as you've led me to believe, is basically the same thing, right?"

"Are you just going to keep using my words against me?"

"I'm just pointing out that you've made some lofty promises," Quinn says, and she looks a little too innocent as she does.

Rachel's voice sounds shy when she says, "I intend to keep every single one."

"There's that confidence you were telling me about," Quinn says, and she's teasing.

"Would it be arrogant to say I'm definitely going to have kissed you before this day is over?" Rachel questions, and absolutely delights in Quinn's blush.

"Huh," she muses. "You _are_ just as cocky in real life."

"Did you ever doubt me?" The question starts as something of a joke, but it grows quiet as it leaves Rachel's mouth, and they both take it seriously.

Quinn hums softly. "Do you want me to be honest?"

"I wouldn't want you to be any other way."

Quinn's features soften. "I didn't doubt _you_ ," she says, the emphasis on the last word important. "I doubted the bond."

Rachel's brow creases. "But not anymore?"

Quinn shakes her head, eyes dropping to their hands once more. She looks faraway and completely present at the same time, and Rachel wonders how that can be. When she speaks, her voice is breathy and purposeful, and Rachel is certain she's in love.

Soulmate or not, Rachel Berry never quite stood a chance.

Quinn finally looks at her again, and it's as if the gold of their marks is reflected in her hazel eyes, beautiful and perfect. "How could I have ever continued to doubt the one single thing that tied me to you?"

* * *

_Fin_


End file.
